Thursday, June 29, 2006

Look I'm a kick ass father

But the answer is no sarah, I will NOT read you all THOSE books you have set out for me to read to you. Yes, thats what sarah said to me as I came down the stairs, she set them out for me to read ALL of them to her. Tonight.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A public service to you lady bloggers out there

On how to understand men:

Because I'm a man,
when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling road assistance is not an option. I will win, even if it may mean destroying the door or window in the process.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't even know where to start.
We will then drink a couple of beverages and curse at the machine as a form of holy communion.

Because I'm a man,
when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman.
You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this should be no problem.

Because I'm a man,
I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread.
I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "paprika" or "tofu."
For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man,
when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it
apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

__________________________________________________ _
Because I'm a man,
I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.
If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for
it.... though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).

__________________________________________________ _____
Because I'm a man,
there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex, or sex.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man,
I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay;
I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my
mother, too.

Because I'm a man,
you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards..... then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man,
I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.
Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine.
Your hair is fine.
You look fine.
Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man,
and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the
You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.......
....... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for women to better understand

Sunday, June 25, 2006

The princess of the house

Thanks HK, yes thats the butterfly windcatcher in the middle, we finally found the perfect spot for it.

She loves her little canopy we picked up at IKEA.......

Speaking of IKEA, is it just me or does the vast majority of their stuff suck?

Friday, June 23, 2006

I'm such a terrible father

It's always amusing on how you deal with a kids stalling behavior. My wife has her methods that work for her, but I take a different tact.

My daughter has a HUGE imagination(like daughter, like father I think). Its always fun to feed her imagination. Like when she askes things like "how did you do that?", my usual answer is a smile and a reply of "magic". Its so great when she gets that wonder in her voice when she replies "magic?" yes honey, magic.

Lately her response has become "*I* have magic too" and she proceeds to wave her hands and recite magic words(like alacazzam and a few others).....


It also leads into her stalling for some things. Like bedtime tonight. First its, "I'm not tired" which the response is, "too bad, its bed time". Her response is "But that's not fair"(ah already that's starting), which the response is "life's not fair, deal with it."

Then the imagination comes into play. "Daddy, I'm scared." Why sweetie? "because of the flashing lights"(there are none). My response is that its a car going by.

"Nooooo daddy, it was red and green flashing lights."

Oh really? Here we go....."Well sweetie, THOSE lights belong to the Santa patrol car, checking on good little boys and girls, to see if their sleeping in their beds."

Sarah "Oh."

"So you need to go to sleep right now, so when he comes back with his red and green flashing lights, you need to be asleep so he knows."

Sarah "Ok daddy, good night...."

I'm so bad......

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

And once again

The stupid parents are out breeding us good ones.

Once again, McDonald's. I know, I know, bad food, but she loves the playgrounds there , and its a nice treat.

Anyway: If any of you have been to the more modern MD's, you know the plagrounds screened off so folks cant get to the under/backside where the structure is. Except of course, if you're a 8 year old child. The yuppie father parental figure(You know, stylish suit, pony tail, cell phone glued to ear) was OBLIVIOUS to the child's goings on. He was eitehr drinking his special coffee, reading a paper, or talking non-stop into his cell phone.

*shakes head*

*I* stopped sarah from following suit. I also informed th folks inside as I left. They sent the big bruiser manager out to yell at the child AND parent. Man watching from inside it was amusing to see how FAST he shut his cell phone down and payed attention then. They made the child show them where she got in, which they'll correct by the looks of the arm waving of the manager(to be fair to MD's folks, *I* wouldnt have thought that small gap would fit anyone either. Bet its fixed next time I'm there).

Yuppie left VERY shortly after I did. Wonder if he was asked to leave.....

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Happy Father's Day

Does my wife and daughter know me or what. According to the Mrs, Sarah and I have matching outfits.......

And now we're off to the water park for father's day! See you later.....

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Unintentional Backhanded Compliments

Ever get compliments, with a nice backhanded spin unintentionally? Funny 'cause I got one this morning from my mother. It was funny, because I dont think she understood.

Sarah went to a birthday party Sunday, for a 9 year old girl, who's mom is also in the same karate studio as my mother(one my wife went to as well) and another karate mom there too(all I think are various blackbelt degrees).

So I walk into my parents house early this morning to pick up the truck, and my mom's in the kitchen and says "everyone was raving how well behaved Sarah was. They couldnt believe how well she acts [i] for an only child[/i]."

*blink* so I just look at mom, and then she replies "well you know because only children tend not to have siblings and learn to share and get along and learn all those items."

Ok mom, thanks for the compliment. I guess......

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

We REALLY need to start making parenting license mandatory

Because here's a story of stupid parent #367. I'm telling you we're being out bred here:

Pull into a convience store, stupid blonde mommy pulls in behind me. I get out to go inside as does she. But she's left her kid still strapped into the car seat. With the car running. while walking inside talking on the cell phone. And goes in and waits at the FAR counter where you cant see outside.

*blink* huh?

Look I know its a pain in the rear to take the kid in and out, but geez, take SOME precaution for christ sakes. I mean, turn off the igition, and lock the doors or SOMETHING. Or stop talking and pay attention outside or anything.

I mean, that IS if you love or even like your kid and all.

No I didnt say anything to her. Chances are she's one of those "my shit dont stink, neither does my kids" type person. I really didnt feel like dealing with a stupid person. I did wait around outside to make sure the car and kid didnt disappear, but I'm getting tired of parenting other people's kids here. Whether its here or at McDonalds or anywhere else. I know its hard, but thats what you get for getting naked and rolling around with a man.....

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The smartass of the year award goes to

My daughter, sarah.

Apparantly, sarah was into not listening and doing something she wasnt suppose to, so mommy gave her a swat on the bottom. The little darling afterward, looked up at her mother and said "what kind of mother are you?"

I'm so blessed.....

Monday, June 12, 2006

Young people are stupid.

Well, most people are stupid, but seems like the younger ones never learn anything.

Family walk to Duncan Donuts. Girl behind the counter, askes "What can I get you?"

We say, "We want a half a dozen donuts."

She looks at the register, looks at us and askes, "Is that 6 donuts?"

*blinks* "Yes, that's 6 donuts....."

Please, PLEASE parents, teach your kids when you have them home, because apparently schools aren't teaching the very basic.....

Sunday, June 11, 2006

My little charmer

She wraps EVERYONE around her finger, if your not careful.

We were at a 21st/college graduation yesterday, and had most of the female college girls wrapped around her finger. Commenting how precious she is, and getting her M&M refills while she sat with them......

Be careful or you'll be next.....

Thursday, June 08, 2006

My little wise ass

Mommy askes daddy, "what's causing your headache?"

Daddy points to the little girl who immediately turns and points at mommy.

Of course, later on, when mommy askes about what causes her headache, sarah points at daddy.....

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Annie Oakly

My little Annie Oakly in the wild wild west. She was oevr her cousins and found a toy gun. So off she played with "bang, I shot you."

Mommy was less than thrilled. Daddy doesnt care, since I recall my childhood, where we did play with guns, and if you didnt use toy guns, we used rocks and sticks as them....

Friday, June 02, 2006

Even more Sarahisms

This morning:

"Daddy, get out of my room. I'm getting dressed and I need privacy."

And this afternoon:

"Mommy, leave me alone, your aggravating me."